Below are the 6 most recent journal entries recorded in spaghettiarms' LiveJournal:

Sunday, July 17th, 2005
7:59 pm	discipline and disappointment I'm disappointed in a lot of things. At the moment, my roommates. We were suppossed to hang out tonite. They went out. Didn't call me. I told them they should've. K didn't care. Invalidated my feelings. Now I'm pissy and definitely don't want to hang out. I'm disapointed in my inability to commit to anything. I have so many interests that I've avoided or been unable to fully focus on any one. Discipline. Though there are so many things that I love I find that they all take work. Writing, dancing, relationships. I lack the discipline it takes to bring it to the next level. I lack the courage to say the things I need to say to release the emotions that I allow to swell and pulse within me. I talked with Ryan and he told me that I'll find what I'm looking for when I just stop looking. Cliche right? But is he right? What if I'm so focused on finding "something better" something perfect, that I never just enjoy what's already there? Am I diseased? Do I have the nothing's good enough ailment? And if so, how do I cure it? I had convinced myself that wasn't the case but maybe I'm wrong. Current Mood: confused (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 1st, 2005
2:33 pm	All by myself Housesitting is no longer sweet. I am sick of not sleeping in my own bed. Instead I sleep on a sunk in couch mattress barely suitable for a mid-afternoon nap. And I only settled for that after trying out every other bed in the house. At least the ones that would fit me anyway. Though Darcy's bed looks inviting I may be cramped in a bed fit for a three year old. I feel like Goldilocks. Right now I'd like to put a summonsing charm on the Lally's and make them get their asses back here. 100 bucks for ten days was definitely not enough. I am suffering a severe bought of job insecurity to boot. The other night my boss introduced Andrew, friend of Chef Cory who in his words was going to be "just hanging about and feeling things out" The kid swooped in there and made himself too comfortable for my taste, snooping around looking through our tip records, and generally stepping on my toes. We do not need another server. We don't have enough customers as it is. And Johnny is hiring another. I should just get a new job. I hate waiting tables anyway. My friend nate says I should hang in there until one of the other servers quits and then give my notice too, just to fuck my boss, but Nate deosn't usually give me very practical advice. That's what will happen though, eventually one of us will have to quit because nobody will be making any money. It's just a matter of who will withdraw first. I don't want to put up with the bullshit so it just might be me. Finally finished Harry Potter, and am ready for the sixth year book. Cant' wait until the newest movie's released too. I am such a junkie. I practically oded trying to finish the order of the phoenix in the last two days. I shut myself up and responded with annoyance at the slightest interruption. I feel that anxious anticipation as I approach the end of the book, like I can't reach the conclusion quick enough. So, I've had very little human contact for the last 24 hours, which suits me jsut fine. Now I have to go into my miserable waiter job and deal with this latest uncertainty. Yuck Current Mood: cranky (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, June 27th, 2005
11:16 am	the life of the tarot Wendy read my tarot cards and it made me cry. Whenever I get my tarot read it's always really emotional. last time though it was more like elation than devastation. Not that I'm at a low point, just that I'm at the end of this cycle and I guess I don't know where to go from here. Also, there always seems to be this potential positive or negative outcome that's hinged on this one really important decision, so that's kind of nerve wracking. I'm definitely feeling the pressure. Elyza is back in town. She called me at one in the morning. She wanted to hang out last night but I called her and told her I had an unpleasant conversation I needed to have with a friend and that I didn't know what would happen after that. She was probably drunk but at least she's making the effort to see me. I don't know what will happen with her and I. Whenever she calls she wants me to come to Saco, but I think I'll let her come up here and see me. Wendy and I have been hanging out a lot. I think I have a crush on her. What an awful person to crush on. She's got a kid and is deep into a bad male relationship. Can't help it though. I always crush on my girlfriends. Especially the artsy ones with red hair. Every best friend I've ever had is a red-headed diva. Jaime from grade school. Elyza from highschool, and though I may be jumping the gun on this one it feels like Wendy is starting to be my best friend. I haven't had that in a long time. We'll see though. Wendy and I are going on a road trip this summer. We're planning on flying to Vegas, renting a car, and then doing the Grand Canyon, California, and Oregon. We've still got to figure out the logisitics though. I'm writing another story for the Phoenix though I havent' told Sam that yet. He pretty much oked it about a month ago. I just need to call and remind him. It's about dance-again. Bumped into my best friend from grade school (Jaime) last week in Saco and I felt like I was in an episode of the twilight zone. Everything slowed down and there was eery music playing in the background. We didn't even really talk. It sucked. I had so many questions I wanted to ask. But didn't. We had a falling out a long time ago and never got over it. Still house sitting for the Lally's. It's pretty sweet. They have an inground pool and people have been here chillin with me. My cat is home alone though, which I guess she doens'nt mind because she's rediscovered the outside world and seems to have no interest in laying around inside, which I'm relieved about because she was so lethargic and unfulfilled for so long. Last night I watched in horror as she nonchalantly crossed the street. That freaks me out a bit. She and the cat downstairs were in the midst of a stand off which I rudely broke up when I heard screeching and wailing from my upstairs balcony. I'm sure they'll get used to eachother soon. Or they'll brawl and get it out of their systems. My other roommate moved in this weekend, which I'm pshyched about because now we have some furniture. too much at this point but we'll arrange things soon so everything has its place. I finally got my bureau from my dad's. Though he didn't end up bringing it up to me. I had to put it in the back of my car with some help from my sister because though my dad had committed to bringing it up on sunday he wouldn't return my phone calls. Slimy bastage. Though I can't really complain. he did let me stay at his place for free, and loaf around while he was out "making a living." Still working at Finch's. It still sucks. When it's summer weather nobody comes in and we stand around all night wishing for customers. I still make money but not as much as I'd like. Oh what will I do with myself when I need to find a real job? This question plagues me. Fortunately I have at least a few more months to hang onto my threadbare college existence. My final class starts July 5. Research methods. Yuck. I should've taken this class two years ago but I could never get into it and then when I could it was blocked into the same time as another required course not offered in the summer. Communications at USM sucks! it is a royal clusterfuck. So, I've heard we construct a website which could be cool because then I could just do something on dance, and it's history maybe. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 14th, 2005
10:18 am	rockin' the stage My show is tomorrow night and Thursday night. That's just one day away. And though we didn't get a proper tech rehearsal we're expected to run the dress rehearsal as a show (that means people will be there watching-for free). Which kinda sucks because we should be able to run a dress rehearsal in costume and stop and fix probelms but the director has decided we don't need to stop and fix problems. Which sucks...again because the shows on Wed and Thurs will suffer so we can put on this pseudo free show for Wed night. I don't get it. Vivid Motion frustrates me. But I will still be rockin' out if that is any consellation to those that plan on attending. It's a dance show that has no story line (like Dance USM, and unlike nutcracker burlesque)there are 13 pieces and I'm in three, which are stragetically spaced , I'll be performing in the first, third and 7th numbers. Don't be late because you'll miss me solo. Show's at 730. (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 9th, 2005
8:45 am	stuff I keep forgetting that I have a show next week. Not nearly as excited about this one as I was about Dance USM. I guess I just felt more ownership for that show. I was definitely more involved, dancing choreographing, publicity, etc. This one just kinda sucks. And I hate one of the pieces I'm in. But I love Wendy because she's rescued my morale. In her piece, Kyle and I are kind of the focus, he and I both have solos and then we duet together, so though I'm not that excited as a whole, Wendy's piece makes it worhtwhile which is why I still want people to come and see it. So, it's next Wed and Thursday night @ 7;30pm at the St. Lawrence tix-10bucks Please come. I'll love ya forever Plus the costumes are kinda cool-fishnets and highheels. It's back to the 80's so by the time you leave you'll be gagging on nostalgia. And you'll love every second. Bring your friends too. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 8th, 2005
11:03 am	First entry I've successfully created a username and got a pic up. Yay! that was a mission. Oh the pressure of a username...I even trolled around movie quote pages to find the perfect name, and I found it. "Whoa, Spaghetti arms, this is your dance space, this is mine" I love dirty dancing. Can't help it. I'm a total sap monger. "Nobody puts baby in a corner." Revised version, Johnny approaches the table where I sit with my mum and Dad and two envious sisters, grabs my hand and says "Nobody puts Christy in a corner" Hmmmm, somehow doens't have quite the same ring. Current Mood: Is thirsty a mood? (Comment on this)